A Head Scratching Dilemna

The mind is a powerful, dangerous thing.

Last week I had the uneasy feeling that I might have head lice. Or bed bugs. I wasn’t exactly sure which one it might be, but I was nearly certain it was one or the other.

It started with a conversation at work. A co-worker casually mentioned that her daughter had contracted head lice. For the second time. As soon as she uttered the words “head lice” my scalp and skin started to itch. This happens to me anytime someone talks about head lice. Add in the fact that my hair is quite thick and curly, and it’s easy to imagine what a nightmare head lice might be for me.

However, I had not come into contact with anyone who actually had head lice, so I told myself that the chances of contracting it were miniscule. Eventually the itching abated.

A few days later, I had a conversation with a couple of friends about antiquing and buying clothes at secondhand stores. One of my friends who is a bit “germ phobic” said, “I can think of nothing more horrifying than walking through dusty antique stores and trying on used clothing.” She then went on to say that she read an online report stating that clothes bought in consignment stores was three times as likely to be infested with bed bugs. Even if the clothing itself is clean, it hangs in a person’s closet for who knows how long against other items of clothing that might not be bug free.

I laughed off her comment and then went home, at which point my scalp and skin started to feel itchy again. I asked my husband to look through my hair to be sure there wasn’t anything crawling around up there. Sighing with exasperation, he pawed through my scalp like a zoo monkey at grooming time and assured me that there was nothing taking up residence in the roots of my hair.

The next night, still slightly itchy, I settled down to watch a movie. The film was “The Switch” starring Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman. It’s a modest enough comedy, predictable and forgettable. However, the part of the film that had the biggest impact on me was the scene where the child of Jennifer Aniston’s character contracts head lice and her friend has to de-louse him. The extreme close-up shots of Jason Bateman running a comb through the kid’s hair and picking out nits nearly sent me into a conniption of itching.

After checking my scalp again my husband wearily explained that my itching could be caused by any number of things including the dry winter air or possible…ahem… hormonal changes.

As I showered the next morning, my gaze happened to fall on my bottle of hair conditioner. I had run out of Pantene, my usual brand, a week before and decided to give Garnier Nutrisse a try, since it seemed a more wholesome, natural alternative. (I’m a sucker for marketing) It didn’t matter that my son thought it smelled “like barf”. Hmmm. Could that be the culprit?

I switched back to Pantene the next day and though my itching isn’t completely gone, it’s back to its regular pre-Garnier status quo. Though I hate to waste a nearly full bottle of conditioner, it’s now relegated to a spot underneath the bathroom sink, in case we ever have house guests that prefer that brand.

I’m no longer convinced that I have parasites living in my hair. Switching back to my old conditioner helped cure the issues on the outside of my head. If only I could find something equally effective for the inside of my head.

And yes, for those of you who are curious; writing this column makes me itchy.
Sigh.