Charlie's Sheen is Starting to Wear Off

Gee, I wonder what Charlie Sheen is doing today?

I say that because apparently nothing else is happening in the world right now. I mean, it’s not like we had not one, but two earthquakes (one in Christchurch, New Zealand and the most recent in Japan), a tsunami, an overthrow of one Middle Eastern government and civil unrest in several other Middle Eastern countries resulting in an increase in oil prices. We have our own “civil unrest” in Wisconsin, and a repeat of The McCarthy Hearings with Muslims as potential targets in place of Communists.

But forget all that, because what I really need to know is what Charlie Sheen is up today.

I admit that I am as guilty as any of my friends who have been watching with fascination the train wreck that is Charlie Sheen rocket out of the station and head full-speed towards a destination of self-destruction and mayhem. I’ve seen the parodies on Saturday Night Live, Jimmy Kimmel and Regis and Kelly. I’ve been sent links to the “Charlie Sheen Quote Generator” and been solicited to buy t-shirts that say, “Duh. Winning!” on the front. My own children have roamed the house parroting that phrase over and over until I want to scream.

But I’ve had enough. There’s no reason to beat this dead horse anymore. I was never a huge fan of “Two and a Half Men”. The few episodes I’ve watched seemed to revolve around the Charlie character’s lecherous, drunken behavior. Is the program that brilliant that it warrants Sheen’s million dollars per episode paycheck? Is he really irreplaceable? Some of you may not remember “Bewitched” but those of you who do know that the character of Darren was played by two different actors. As was Catwoman on the television series “Batman”. When Suzanne Somers chose not to return to “Three’s Company”, another blonde actress stepped in without pause and the show continued. Cheryl Ladd easily replaced Farrah Fawcett in “Charlie's Angel’s”

But this is not just about a television program. It’s about watching a pop culture icon implode. We can’t resist staring as public figures like Brittany Spears and Lindsay Lohan take one misstep after another, landing themselves in jail, rehab and, unfortunately sometimes, the grave. We’re fascinated when Mel Gibson begins spewing racist, misogynistic rhetoric, or when Christian Bale has a temper tantrum on the set of his new movie. Can you blame us? These clips are played over and over on television, the radio and via the web. We can’t escape it.

There was a time when the name Charlie Sheen brought to mind an actor with decent films to his credit (“Platoon”, “Wall Street” and “Major League” to name a few). Now he will forever be associated with words like “Tiger Blood”, “Adonis DNA” and “Vatican Warlock Assassin”. His children have been taken from him, one of his “goddesses” has moved out, he leaves a trail of unhappy ex-wives in his wake and he has taken to the internet with a series of entertaining, horrifying rants that leave many of us wondering whether they are fueled by drugs, mental illness or both. I can’t look at him now without feeling sympathy for his parents and siblings. I keep hoping he’ll pull a Robert Downey Jr. and turn his life around, but that seems unlikely at this point.

The latest gem is that Charlie Sheen is taking his madness on tour, performing live “comedy” shows in Chicago and Detroit. Entitled “My Violent Tornado of Truth/Defeat is not an Option”, the program promises more of the same craziness we’ve seen in recent weeks, albeit in a live setting. If the show comes to Boston, I’ll opt out. Call me a troll but my life is crazy enough.

Winning? Well Charlie, I guess if you call racing towards an inevitable finish line of humiliation, degradation and possibly death, then yes, you are indeed winning.