OH NO! MORE SNOW!

Here they are, the top 10 reasons why it’s great that we keep getting so much snow:

#10: The entire lawn and flower beds are covered in white. No longer am I reminded of the sad state my grass was in at the end of the summer. Ditto for all the weeds that should have been pulled in my perennial beds (but weren’t). Did I remember to rake the leaves, or are they under all that white as well? Hmmmm.

#9: Everyone needs a little practice with their defensive driving. When you hit a patch of ice at 40 mph, do you slam on the brakes? Turn into the skid? Turn against the skid? Scream at the top of your lungs for Jesus to take the wheel? If you’re like me, the answer is; all of the above.

#8: Poor Home Depot. I have to imagine their sales are down this time of the year. Who does home repairs in the dead of winter? Best to keep your local hardware store in business by buying all those replacement shovels, snow blowers and fifty pound bags of rock salt. Pick up a roll of duct tape while you’re at it so you can bind your bumper back to the car after Jesus ignores your request to take the wheel.

#7: Nature intended animals to grow fat and hibernate in the winter. They did not intend animals to risk life and limb by driving to the gym on dangerous, icy roads, or worse yet, jogging on those same roads, causing drivers to swerve into the opposite lane to avoid a vehicular manslaughter conviction. Have you ever seen a bear doing Zumba? A raccoon on the Stairmaster? Next time you feel guilty sitting home on the couch watching “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” just remind yourself that this is what nature intended.

#6: Happy Weathermen. Ever notice how glum the meteorologists seem during the summer months? They just can’t muster the same enthusiasm for heat waves and summer thunderstorms as they can for a really good snowfall. Notice how gleeful they are as they predict the next “Snowpocalypse”, scaring us with bold graphics that say “Super Storm” and “N’or Easter”. Smugly they stand in their comfortable television studios while their miserable comrades huddle by the side of the highway in Natick or hang onto signposts as they brave the pounding surf in Scituate, clumps of ice clinging to their eyebrows and microphones.

#5: The chance to reminisce about “the big one”. Those of you born after 1980 can only sit helplessly by and listen to endless stories about “The Blizzard of ‘78”, when civilization ground to a halt for several days while people holed up in their houses, apartments and dorm rooms, huddling to keep warm (some sucking down schnapps and beer and whatever else was hiding in the liquor cabinet, also on the guise of keeping warm). Every huge dump of snowfall allows someone to proclaim, “Why this is nothing…back in the Blizzard of ’78…” to anyone within earshot. Add earplugs to your winter survival list.

#4: Winter sports fanatics can ski, snowboard, sled, ice skate, play hockey and snowshoe to their heart’s content. Back in the days before children, my husband and I didn’t mind spending our disposable income on $79 lift tickets and $8 bowls of chili at places like Loon Mountain and Sugarloaf. Now we limit our winter sports to shoving our kids down our side hill and hoping they don’t crash their sleds into the neighbor’s basement window. Whee!

#3: There is no better cardio workout than shoveling. Sure, you can pay someone $30 to plow your driveway, but what fun is that? Most winters, 90% of the snow falls while my husband is at work. If I want him to get up our steep driveway, I have to clear the drive before he gets home. Do you shovel before the snow stops, necessitating a possible second pass? Or do you wait for the storm to clear, endangering your heart and your back by hefting a heavier shovel full of snow?

#2: Snow days. Yes, I moan and complain about those rare days when the schools feel it’s too dangerous to ride the bus, but secretly I like the idea that I don’t have to get up at the crack of dawn, make lunches and hustle my two boys into their clothes and out to the bus stop. Sadly, this means that they will have to make up these days at the end of the school year. Happily, this means more time for me to enjoy my friends’ pool before the kids are out for the summer.

And the #1 reason why it’s so great to have so much snow is…lording our superiority over those climate-challenged friends who cower in warmer temperatures during the winter. We endure their snarky comments on Facebook, (“77 degrees in L.A. today!”) but we know they’re just jealous that they’re not as hardy as we New Englanders. “That which does not break us only serves to make us stronger”, we cry as we raise our shovels high. While they…they drive their convertibles to Jamba Juice.