And the Award for the Best Award Show Goes To...

Awards season is here!

People’s Choice Awards…Golden Globe Awards…The Academy Awards…the list is endless. For those of you who just can’t get enough of celebrities getting all gussied up, honoring each other and themselves, and pre-empting your favorite programs then this is the season for you.

Sadly, the People’s Choice awards have already passed. This is one of the few awards programs where you, me and Joe the Plumber can all cast their votes and make their voices heard. Who cares if the categories are somewhat inane: Favorite TV Crime Fighter? Favorite TV Chef? Favorite Viral Video Star? For those of you who neglected to tune in (I didn’t) the winners in those particular categories were Tim Roth, Rachael Ray and “Single Ladies” Devastation (must have missed that last one). Katy Perry took home Favorite Online Sensation (really?) and predictably Favorite TV Guilty Pleasure went to “Keeping up with the Kardashians” (was there ever any doubt?)
No worries. You still have the Golden Globes to look forward to (Jan. 16) and the Academy Awards as well (Feb. 27). If you are a movie freak like me, then these are the two award ceremonies you don’t want to miss (not including the MTV Movie Awards, but that’s not till June).

The Golden Globes are presented by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, an organization about which I knew nothing. According to their website “…founded in the 1940s during World War II, the HFPA was originally comprised of a handful of LA based overseas journalists who sought to bridge the international community with Hollywood, and to provide distraction from the hardships of war through film information and material.” (Who knew?) In addition to hosting a ceremony widely known as a precursor to the Oscars, the group donates money to entertainment-related charities and film scholarships. If you want to get a sense of which films, actors and directors will win an Oscar, settle in on Jan. 16 and watch The Golden Globes.

And then there’s the Oscars…the big Kahuna of award shows. The night when film buffs all over the world suffer through Joan Rivers asking everyone “who” they’re wearing, all the while looking like someone is standing behind her pulling a sheet of Saran Wrap tight over her face. I have a friend who works for the Academy, and he’s told me that sometime in the next five years I can expect an invitation to join him for the ceremony. Given that this is probably the only way I’ll ever be invited to the Oscars, you can be sure I’ll accept. And if Joan Rivers asks me who I’m wearing, I’ll tell her “Jaclyn Smith for Kmart.” Imagine how that will go over.

If you’re a real film freak, like me, you can wedge in the Independent Film Spirit Awards, held just one night before the Oscars. Hosted by Joel McHale, perennial snark-master of E’s “The Soup”, this is the awards program that honors all those other films you’ve never heard of. I don’t remember “Daddy Longlegs”, “Jack Goes Boating” or “Tiny Furniture” playing at Patriot’s cinema alongside “Yogi Bear” and “Little Fockers”, do you?

Of course, then there are the Emmys, the Tonys, the Grammys, the CMAs, the American Music Awards, the MTV Movie Awards and the MTV Music Awards to keep you going throughout the rest of the year. With any luck, you won’t have to endure a month without some kind of award show. But the one I’d like to see is the award show that hands out awards for award shows. Think of the categories: most overblown production number; longest “in memoriam” sequence (or as we call it in our house: The Dead List); stiffest host; worst chemistry between co-presenters; most inept at reading a teleprompter; lamest joke written by Bruce Vilanche (Bruce would sweep this category).

And if there happened to be an award for the viewer most likely to fall asleep before the end of the show, I’d be a shoe-in.