Who Needs Help Cutting the Cheese?

The other day I was walking through the aisles of Stop and Shop when a particular product caught my eye. It’s not new, and it’s one with which you may already be familiar. But for some reason, seeing it on the shelf set off a chain of thoughts in my head that compels me to address it.

Does anyone here like…Cracker Cuts?

For those of you who look at those two words in puzzlement (add my husband to that group) Cracker Cuts is a product made by Kraft foods, the people who bring you Cracker Barrel cheese (one of my favorites…yeah, I know.)

If you’re looking for a tasty cheese snack or cheese for entertaining, you could buy a block of Cracker Barrel. But if you’re ready to take that extra leap into the new technology of cheese, then my friend, you need Cracker Cuts. It’s like buying a block of cheese that has already been sliced for you. Actually, it is buying a block of cheese that has already been sliced for you. Amazing! It’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Here’s the description of the product from Kraft’s website: “Snacking and entertaining is made easy with Cracker Barrel Cracker Cuts Cheese. Treat yourself to the great taste of cheese conveniently pre-cut to fit perfectly on your favorite crackers.”
I’ve seen Cracker Cuts before, and have even been served them on occasion. But for some reason, seeing it on the shelf amongst the other cheese blocks prompted a slew of questions. The first being, “How lazy do you have to be that you can’t slice your own cheese?” Did the folks in product development at Kraft decide that there’s a whole market of customers who just cannot be bothered to slice their own cheese? Or am I being unfairly prejudiced about Cracker Cuts?

This started me thinking. Perhaps it’s not a question of laziness. Perhaps it’s a time management issue. Cracker Cuts is actually social commentary on the woman who tries to “do it all”. She holds down a job, is a devoted wife and mother and doesn’t have enough hours in her day to work, oversee homework, cook dinner, clean the house and drive the kids to their various soccer/ballet/hockey practices. When the kids are clamoring for a snack, or the neighbors are popping in unexpectedly for a cocktail, who has time to laboriously slice cheese? Cracker Cuts to the rescue.

Maybe time isn’t the issue. Maybe it’s perfection. Have we been so conditioned by Martha Stewart and others like her that we feel like failures when we don’t send out handmade holiday cards, make our own mac and cheese from scratch and craft centerpieces for our kitchen table out of chicken wire, corn husks and six different types of wildflowers grown in our own garden? Martha would be appalled if we were to serve our guests cheese slices that weren’t uniform in thickness and size (oh the horror!) The overhang of cheese to cracker must be no more than 1/100 of an inch. And what? You’re going to serve square cheese with round crackers? Heathen.

Oh, the smugness I felt writing this column in my head, until my good friend Julianne popped my bubble by saying, “Well, what about elderly people who have arthritis?” That stopped me in my tracks. I thought of another friend who’s younger than me that suffers from this ailment. Of course Cracker Cuts would be a good product for her. Then a client told me he had Cracker Cuts on a friend’s boat because, “You don’t want to try to cut cheese with a sharp knife on a boat that’s rocking side to side.” (Especially after a few beers). Hmmm. And what about picnics? And soccer practices? And kids who want to get their own snacks? And people with prosthetic hands? Or knife phobias?

I don’t know whether the folks at Kraft considered all these scenarios when they developed Cracker Cuts. Truthfully, they probably just wanted a way to increase market share while charging more for the product (Cracker Cuts are the same price as regular Cracker Barrel cheese, but look closely. Cracker Cuts weigh 3 ounces less. Those crafty Kraft people.) Even if their motives were driven by profit, not altruism, I now see how Cracker Cuts has earned its place in the great circle of life known as the dairy case.

I love it when I learn life lessons from the little things. But let there be no doubt where I stand on purchasing block versus sliced. Personally, I have no difficulty whatsoever when it comes to cutting the cheese.

(Admit it…you were waiting for that)