Chipping Away at Selfishness - 12/3/08

And we now segue from the season of giving thanks to the season of giving. Black Friday, the official start of the holiday shopping season is in full swing. Of course, we have been assaulted by toy catalogs, holiday commercials and pre-Thanksgiving sale flyers for over a month. The current state of our economy doesn’t help. Warnings to save for an impending depression fight with messages to stimulate the economy by buying more.

And our children are caught in the crossfire.

Each year I try to find a way to enforce the message that “…’tis better to give than to receive”. My children understand this, in theory. Yet they still make impossibly long lists of the things that they want from Santa. It doesn’t help that my parents have a history of overloading my children with presents each year. “Quantity over quality” is their motto, padding the supply of decent gifts with cheap toys from the odd lot and the dollar store. Christmas day devolves into an orgy of unwrapping. It reminds me of that Gordon Gecko quote from the movie Wall Street: “Greed is good.”

It’s not that my children don’t understand the concept of giving. It’s just tempered by their desire for receiving. Case in point: My older son spent a week raiding the cans in our pantry for a school sponsored food drive. I was impressed by his intent to carry as many cans as he could to school (along with his fully loaded backpack and his ultra-heavy snare drum). Towards the end of the week, I discovered his real motivation: The class that collected the most cans would win a pizza party. Sure, the idea of giving food to the needy was all well and good, but it was secondary to beating the other 5th grade classes and reveling in celebratory pizza.

There are opportunities all year round to show children how to be selfless, but during the holiday season there are just that many more. The Hanover Food Pantry is always in need of food staples for local families. Santa’s Helpers allows you to “adopt” a needy family, shopping and wrapping gifts from a wish list. The Hanover Mall usually has a Giving Tree for senior citizens who ask for such basic items as flannel shirts and warm gloves. Toys for Tots is another favorite. With locations nationwide (including our own Hanover Fire Station) you can let your kids choose a toy for a child who might otherwise go without. For several years, my friend Amy Perkins has donated her time with Christmas in the City, an all-volunteer holiday party given for children who live in homeless shelters. My husband and I have helped in the past and I can’t wait for my kids to be old enough to help too. To see thousands of children walking into the Bayside Expo, being cheered and applauded by hundreds of volunteers, is an experience both heartwarming and heart wrenching.

It’s the nature of children to be selfish. From the time they are born, we cater to their needs, feeding them when they cry, changing them when they’re wet. But if we can just chip away at that selfishness, a little bit at a time, then perhaps each year they will think a little less about themselves and a little more for others. At least, that’s my wish.