A Lesson in E-mail Etiquette

Okay folks, it’s time for a refresher course on e-mail etiquette. Like me, you probably get dozens of e-mails each day, from friends, acquaintances, strangers, department stores, online websites and countless others. Most are easily dealt with (deleted, delete, delete) but others can require a bit more thought.

Let’s start with my biggest pet peeve: People who do not understand the difference between “Reply” and “Reply All”. For those who have trouble with this, “Reply” means you are replying only to the person who sent you the e-mail. “Reply All” means you are replying to the sender and everyone else that was sent this e-mail . In most cases, “Reply” is the correct choice. In rare exceptions, “Reply All” is appropriate.

For example, let’s say your best friend Suzie is hosting a brunch. She sends out an email saying, “Please come to brunch on such and such date and time. Let me know if you can make it and what you’d like to bring.” Ah-ha! In this instance, “Reply All” is appropriate. Why? Because you want to be sure that your good friend Gertrude doesn’t bring the same artichoke dip to the brunch that you want to bring. By using “Reply All”, you can let both the host and everyone else attending know what you are bringing so there will be no duplicates.

Now, what if that same good friend Suzie sends you (and all her other friends) an e-mail inviting your child for a play date. The e-mail lists the date, time, and location and asks that you RSVP. In this case, “Reply” is the correct option. Too many times, I’ve received responses from other moms saying, “Little Carlton can’t wait,” and, “Baby Bubba will be there,” because” they hit “Reply All”. Honestly, I don’t need to know if Carlton or Bubba or any other child is thrilled, excited, wetting his pants or dreading this play date. Seriously folks, it’s okay to hit the “Reply” button on this.

Did you know that “Reply All” is one of the most dangerous buttons on your e-mail? Case in point: A few years ago, a friend (she was a friend at the time, we’re no longer friends for reasons soon to be revealed) sent me an e-mail which warned friends about a potentially poisonous hazard in an item most people purchase for their homes. The e-mail sounded a little fishy to me, so I checked with snopes.com, an urban legend de-bunking site, and found that the warning was indeed overblown. I crafted an email, complete with a link to snopes, chastising my intelligent, savvy friend for sending her e-mail without verifying the content first. I then sent the e-mail to my friend, unaware that I had inadvertently hit “Reply All” instead of “Reply”. Her entire e-mail list of friends, family members, colleagues and work contacts got my smug, condescending reply and I ended up losing a friendship. Lesson learned.

This brings me to my next e-mail pet peeve: online urban legends. Let me just state now that Bill Gates is not going to send you a free laptop computer or $10, or a Gap gift certificate or anything at all if you forward his e-mail to everyone in your address book. You do not need to register your cell phone with a Do Not Call list, you won’t get any free dinners at Applebee’s and little 9-year-old Craig Shergold is now 30-years old, cancer-free and no longer in need of any get well cards, business cards or any other card. (He’s already in the Guinness Book of World Records, so it’s time to move on.) There are several great debunking sites online, but www.snopes.com is my personal favorite. Bookmark it, use it, and stop clogging my-inbox.
Last, but not least, are e-mail chain letters. I don’t mind getting jokes, prayers, movies, cartoons, inspirational poems, or warm, fuzzy sentiments. What I don’t like is the threat of bad luck if I don’t immediately send that same e-mail to twenty of my friends. So be warned. If you send me one of those emails, instead of sending it to twenty friends, I will send it to you, the sender, twenty times.

Oh, and while we’re speaking of warnings… Remember that anything you write can be forwarded to anyone from anyone. So be careful what you say and to whom you send it.

Here’s hoping that this lesson in e-mail etiquette was helpful to you. I certainly feel better clearing the air. However if my hugging column is any indication, I’ll probably receive about ten times more “Reply All” messages from this point on. So be it.