TV's Version of "History"

My children are huge history buffs.

“History”, of course, being defined by what they see on television’s The History Channel. You might be familiar with this channel. When it first aired on cable, people used to refer to it as The Hitler Channel, since 90% of their programming seemed to be documentaries about World War II.

Over the years The History Channel has broadened its programming to include an enormous assortment of shows, many which I question as being relative to “history”.
True, there are still the documentaries about WWII. Last week the channel held a Veteran’s Day marathon of the program “Patton 360”, a series which focuses on the battles led by “Old Blood and Guts” himself, mixing archival footage, interviews with veterans and state of the art 3-D animation. My kids were riveted, and I must admit that I got sucked into the Battle of the Bulge episode.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that my kids have an interest in history. Last year, my younger son was given the “class historian” award from his third grade teacher. She commended him for knowing so much about history, to the point where she learned from him. Often, my kids will spout some piece of information about the Mayans or Pompeii or the San Francisco earthquake or some other historical reference and when I ask them where they learned that, the answer is almost always, “From the History Channel.”

So the truly historical information they are retaining is wonderful. My younger son is talking about wanting to become a historian when he grows up. Although their interest in history is being sparked by a television channel, they are expanding that interest with books and other resources. All well and good.

However, it’s the other programming on The History Channel that I question. For example, they can identify almost every type of military weapon, modern or antique, from watching shows like “Lock and Load with R. Lee Ermey” and “Top Shot”. There’s something about my nine-year-old being able to tell an M16 from an AK-47 that makes me uneasy. This is history?

And then there’s “Monster Quest”, the program that delves into the history of Bigfoot, Birdzilla, The Jersey Devil, giant killer snakes, dragons and the Chupacabra (not to mention several other monsters I’ve never heard of). “Ice Road Truckers” follows truckers in Alaska who haul supplies across a 350-mile highway made of frozen lakes and permafrost. Since the frozen highway lasts for only 8 weeks, a spin-off series entitled “IRT: Deadliest Highways” takes these truckers to India to let them drive trucks along the narrowest mountain passes. When I ask my kids how this pertains to history, they parrot back the History Channel’s catchphrase, “Mom, it’s history made every day.”

Personally, I do enjoy “Pawn Stars”, a series about a family-owned pawn shop in Las Vegas. It’s kind of like PBS’s “Antiques Road Show”, only not as classy (Hey, it’s Vegas). People bring in items ranging from old motorcycles to Pez dispensers, though the items are secondary to the grouchy banter between the three generations of men who run the place. In each episode, Chumlee, a bumbling employee, is guaranteed to break something or screw up in some way. Hilarity ensues.

For those who like their antiques on the less seedy side, there’s “American Pickers” which follows antique store owners Mike and Frank as they travel cross country in their van searching for found treasure to be “picked” from other people’s attics, basements, barns and sheds. My big mistake was watching this show before heading to the Brimfield antique fair. Every dented, oil can and rusty tin sign caught my eye, practically shouting “What, you’re going to pass me by? If Frank were here, he’d buy me.” My in-laws have several buildings full of stuff. I’m tempted to drop a dime on them with the Pickers.

I guess we’re a History Channel household. There’s something for everyone, whether you prefer the gloom and doom of “Nostradamus” and “Life after People”, the Ragin’ Cajun folk on “Swamp People” (“...Clint Landry owns a turtle farm and camp where he and his buddies like to swim in the alligator-infested bayou and play pranks on each other…”) or just a good, old-fashioned documentary on the Third Reich. And though I sometimes question the “historical” aspect of some of its programs, it’s a heck of an improvement over the tripe being shown on Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network.

Hmm. There’s an idea. Maybe we can get the cast of “iCarly” or “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” to go bayou swimming with the Swamp people. Now that would make history.