Get Ready For Halloween

Halloween is Sunday. Are you ready? Have you draped your house in cobwebs, set-up fake gravestones and dusted off your favorite Spooky Sounds CD? Have you been to the Spirit Halloween store countless times to see what new and disgusting items are available this week? Have you scoured the internet looking for that obscure piece of your child’s Halloween costume, a character so below the radar that not only is the costume impossible to find, but your child is guaranteed to prompt endless inquiries of “And what are you supposed to be?”

If not, you better get going. Halloween was a big deal when I was a kid, for the sole purpose of the pursuit of candy. Yes, we wanted cool costumes, but that took a backseat to the potential trove of sweets awaiting us on Halloween. Back then, costumes were limited to the ones that came folded in cardboard boxes with clear plastic fronts, all the better to see the cheaply made masks of Wonder Woman or Superman. There were no specialty party stores where you could chose from hundreds of clever (and crass) costumes. It was either a boxed costume or your own imagination (and your mom’s sewing machine). When all else failed, we raided our father’s closets and went out as bums (what my kids now call hobos).

The costume selection has changed significantly over the years. During the fall, party stores devote a huge amount of floor space to elaborate costumes for both children and adults. And speaking of adults, since when did Halloween become more of an adult celebration than one for kids? I don’t recall my parents ever dressing up and attending Halloween parties. This year I was invited to three adult gatherings, each mandating that attendees come in costume. Adult parties prompt the dilemma of what type of costume to choose: Funny, clever, scary or sexy?

I enjoy the funny and clever costumes the most. A friend’s husband attended a party with what looked to be a large magnet around his neck and little yellow chicks glued to it (chick magnet.) A friend of mine once dressed in a grey sweat suit with shipping labels, packing peanuts and bubble wrap glued to him. He was a shipping magnate. It’s also fun when couples coordinate their efforts. One year my friend and her husband bought matching tacky tourist costumes, but added a twist: she dressed as the husband, complete with mustache and he dressed as the wife, with anatomical (ahem) enhancements. That same year my other friends decided to tap into pop culture crafting their own coordinating costumes: Britney Spears and K-Fed. It was frightening how well they nailed the look, she with a cheap blond wig and a baby doll hanging precariously off her waist and he in a white tank top and porkpie hat. I give them props for creating their own husband/wife costume, rather than resorting to the tired plug and socket combo from the party store.

Last year I attended a party dressed as a midwife from Hell, complete with bloody scrubs, surgical mask and a two-headed baby doll in tow. When it comes to Halloween parties, I’d rather have a silly or scary costume, but many women prefer to go the sexy route. Check out Iparty or ItzAParty and you’ll find that 90% of women’s costumes are short, skimpy, sexy outfits that have little to do with their subject matter. Lucky us! No longer are we limited to being Naughty Nurses or French Maids. Now you can be a High Speed Hottie (NASCAR), Caddy Shack Cutie (Golf), Naughty Wizard (Harry Potter) or the worst offender of all: Sexy SpongeBob. Imagine leaving your kids with the babysitter as you sashay out the door in your Sexy SpongeBob outfit? At least the manufacturers have thoughtfully included plus-size versions of these costumes so those of us who aren’t a perfect size 4 can join in the madness.

Why the flood of risqué costumes? My friend Jessie claims its all part of what she calls the “Snookification” of America. Too many hours spent watching programs such as “Jersey Shore” and “Rock of Love”, resulting in a warped view of how women should dress and act. Think I’m kidding? Iparty has a “Jersey Shore Snooki” leopard dress costume this year. Just add your own barf bag and arrest record and you’re all set to party.

Sexy or scary, clever or crass, or simply chaperoning your little princess or goblin, here’s hoping that no matter how you choose to celebrate Halloween, you give yourself over to the spirit(s) of the season.

Trick or Treat.