The Orchid Thief...

I’m a bit of a botanical burglar.

Okay, maybe the term burglar is a stretch, but I have a tendency to covet flowers and plants that grow in places other than my own yard.

I’ve written in the past about my black thumb. My houseplants are frequently in a state of being either over or under watered. Outdoor potted plants stand a 50/50 chance of surviving their season and only then if there is regular rain and sun it’s beyond my capability to remember to water something daily in hot weather. My perennial beds are overloaded with bulbs that haven’t been split in years. Clearly my abilities to keep anything other than my own children alive are limited.

My life of crime began in my last house, which had a small, scraggly, spindly lilac bush in the back yard. This sad little plant usually yielded only a sprig or two of my absolutely favorite, fragrant flowers. Meanwhile, neighborhoods all around me were bursting with the heady scent and purple and white beauty of Syringa vulgaris. I could never bring myself to clip flowers from someone else’s yard without their permission. However…there was an enormous lilac bush which used to grow in the parking lot of my bank. Sometimes, when using the drive thru, I would lean out my left window to stick my ATM card in the slot, then lean out my right window and snip a few buds off the lilac flowers that were brushing up against my passenger window. Coming home, my husband would observe, “I see you’ve made a lilac withdrawal.” When we moved to our current home, my back yard contained not one but two healthy lilac bushes. Finally I could clip my favorite flowers without feeling guilty. To assuage my past sins, I’d even clip extra blossoms and give them to my friends and neighbors.

The next flowers on my oh-how-I-wish-I-could-grow-these list were hydrangea. I fell in love with them on my visits to Nantucket, where my husband has family and we were lucky enough to be married. There is something about those fat, vibrant blue and purple flowers that provides so much visual pleasure. Each summer it lifts my spirits to see hydrangea in bloom. The one small bush my husband planted two years ago has yet to yield even a single bud (surprise, surprise). Luckily I have several friends who have bushes that are flush with flowers. Taking pity on their poor, blossom-less friend, they have encouraged me come share their bounty. Thank goodness, because I’d look pretty ridiculous creeping through their yards in the middle of the night, dressed in black with clippers in hand.

And now that summer is over, there’s another blossom I’m coveting. This one I’m thankful is not growing in my yard. A floral-minded friend introduced me to the beauty of Bittersweet. These are vines that contain small yellow berries. During the fall the berries shed their yellow skin and reveal a vibrant orange color underneath. As the vines dry out, they are used to make wreaths or can be draped along mantels or placed in vases for a beautiful, autumnal display. My friend has a keen eye for bittersweet, and points them out to me whenever we drive anywhere together in the fall. However, it’s important to point out that there are two types of bittersweet: American bittersweet, Celastrus scandens, is disappearing quickly. Oriental bittersweet, Celastrus orbiculatus, is an invasive vine which can threaten other vegetation. American bittersweet have berries which cluster only at the tip of the vine. Oriental bittersweet produce berries all along the length of the vine. It’s important to make this distinction before clipping any vine in order to preserve the dwindling supply of American bittersweet. However when I see the oriental variety, I feel no guilt about clipping a few vines off and bringing them home to dry. It beautifies my house and I’m doing my part to help remove an invasive species from my town. The idea that something so pretty could also be harmful is…well…bittersweet.

I’m glad that I no longer need to resort to theft to obtain some of my favorite flowers. Thanks to generous friends and a plentiful invasive species, I’m able to enjoy these beautiful buds on a regular basis.

Otherwise, I’d be in withdrawal.