I Think I'm Turning Japanese

Did I mention I'm learning a new language?

The past few years I've been increasing my Japanese vocabulary. And do you know what I've discovered? The words Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Bakugan, B-Dman and Digimon all translate into the same thing in English: WASTE OF MONEY!

I have to hand it to the Japanese; they have an uncanny knack when it comes to creating a sensation that is guaranteed to whip American boys into a frenzy while at the same time emptying their parent's wallets.

Those of you with girls...I apologize. Go back to your Polly Pockets, your American Girl dolls and your Littlest Pet Shop and tune in again next week.

Where was I? Oh right...waste of money. As my boys began to outgrow their Rescue Heroes and Transformers (of which we have many) their pocket money (and mine) was suddenly spent purchasing packages of overpriced Japanese trading cards. First there was Pokemon (a card collecting game based on a television series based on a video game). Each trading card represents a different Pokemon or "pocket monster". And their theme song? "Gotta Catch 'Em All" (Clever!)

Then came Yu-Gi-Oh! (More trading cards based on a television series based on a Japanese comic book). My kids collected stacks and stacks of these cards, with absolutely no idea how to "battle" (or play the game). Here’s an example of the direction on the Axe of Despair card: “A monster equipped with this card increases its ATK by 1000 points. When this card is sent from the field to the Graveyard, if you offer one monster on your side of the field as a Tribute, this card returns to the top of your deck.” And that’s just the instructions on ONE CARD… One Christmas my son had to have a Yu-Gi-Oh card launcher, an oversized contraption that strapped to the arm and could only be found on eBay for the inflated price of $50. I've never actually seen him use it and to add insult to injury, I saw the same item one year later on the shelves of Ocean State Job Lot (for $9.99...grrr!)

We managed to skip right over Digimon (Digital Monsters...more trading cards based on video games), and briefly paused for Beyblades, Japanese tops that battle in a flimsy, molded plastic arena (which cracks easily when you step on it. Take it from me). After Beyblades came Battle B-Dman which are essentially monster-shaped marble launchers (though my son and I got into quite a heated argument when he asserted that they were not marbles but B-d balls. Guess what? They're marbles.) Did I mention that Beyblade and Battle B-Dman are both based on, yes you guessed it, a television series? Which brings us to Backugan, our recent obsession. Bakugan is a combination of all the crap that came before it. Based on a television series (of course!) the game contains monsters (Digimon!) that are round like balls (B-dman!) and contain trading cards (Pokemon! Yu-Gi-Oh!). One card in the pack is metal, which triggers a magnet inside the ball to spring open, converting the ball into a monster (okay, that's new). Store shelves were wiped clean of these items for months. My friends all complained that their kids were consumed with Bakugan toys.

And suddenly, like an epidemic that eventually burns itself out, Bakugan is over. One friend's son who was obsessed with it announced recently that he doesn't care about Bukugan anymore. It's fallen off the radar for my children too, whew! Finally we can take a break from all the stuff imported from the Land of the Rising Sun.

Except...the other day my son came home from school with erasers in the shape of a hamster, an airplane and a seal. The erasers come apart into several pieces, and apparently all the kids in his class are trading them with each other. Thinking I should get a few for him to trade back with his friends, I stopped by the toy store and inquired about them. The clerk replied, "Oh, the Japanese erasers? Yes, they're right here by the register. All the kids are collecting them. They're 99 cents each."

Sigh.