How to Celebrate St. Paddy's Day

Erin Go Bragh!

My last name is Anderson. My father’s parents were right off the boat from Denmark and Sweden. My mom’s maiden name is Rockwell (English). In her family tree there are Flints (also English) and Knouses (German) and Tillous (France). There’s even a thread of Buchanan (Scottish). So I it’s safe to say that I’m one of the rare folks living in the Boston area that doesn’t have even a drop of Irish blood.

But I’m not about to let that stop me from suggesting the top 10 ways you can celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. Sure, my friends with the last names McAuley, McWade, McLaughlin and O’Toole might be better suited to suggest how to spend this homage to St. Patrick. But I’ve lived in Boston now for nearly 30 years, and after careful observation, I think I can manage a few suggestions. So here we go:

10. Enjoy a slice of Irish Soda Bread. Raisins? No Raisins? Icing? However you like your bread, you can’t beat something that can be used as both a mid-day snack and a doorstop. How is it that soda bread is so delicious, yet weighs a ton? It’s like fruitcake (only edible).

9. Watch “The Quiet Man” with John Wayne and Maureen O’Sullivan. Growing up in New Jersey, in a predominantly Jewish community, this movie was the closest thing to hearing an Irish brogue. Ah the quaint villagers. The sweet old lady, handing the Duke a stick with which “…to beat the lovely lady.” And who doesn’t love that climactic fight scene? Classic John Wayne. But in Ireland.

8. Wear an Irish fisherman’s sweater. Once again, here’s something Irish that weighs deceptively more than it appears. And if you’re allergic to wool, or can’t stand the itching, you’re out of luck. Pray that it doesn’t rain, because if you pair the sweater with a yellow slicker you’ll look like the Gorton’s of Gloucester fisherman. While you’re at it, add a jaunty cap, the type cabbies wear. Now you’re getting it!

7. Read “Angela’s Ashes”. Wallow in misery. Thank God that you weren’t raised in a poor Irish home having to share one pair of socks amongst fifteen brothers and sisters. Or you can lighten up and read a Maeve Binchy novel instead. Less misery, more romance.

6. Drink Beer. Lots of it. Green Beer, pale ale, stout, lager, it doesn’t matter whether you get it on tap, in a bottle or in a can. Beer is the official drink of St. Patrick’s Day. When you run out of beer, switch to whiskey. When you run out of whiskey, call the ambulance.

5. Listen to Irish music. Start off with some rousing standards from The Clancy Brothers. Move onto the hardcore stuff, the more “deedlee-dee” the better. My friend’s husband (who is Irish) lovingly calls it “puppet music”. Bring on the bagpipes. Turn the volume up to “11”. When you can’t stand it one more minute, switch to The Dropkick Murphys and U2.

4. Dance a jig. So what if you look ridiculous, this is St. Patrick’s Day and if you’ve had enough beer by this point, you won’t care. Tie a ribbon around your forehead, jam your arms to your sides and pretend you’re Lord of the Dance. Fall down. Pick yourself up. Sadly note that your 5-year-old niece can kick your butt when it comes to step dancing. Have another beer.

3. Eat corned beef and cabbage. Who thought of this amazing idea to cook the living daylights out of a hunk of meat, a head of cabbage, potatoes and carrots for a week until its one lovely, pinkish gray pot of mush. Not into corned beef? Try shephard’s pie. Not into shephard’s pie? Time for another beer.

2. Wear green. This should be obvious. Green is the official color of Ireland, due to the lovely rolling green hills. Kelly green, sea green, spring green, forest green, it doesn’t matter what shade you wear, it just matters that you clothe yourself from head to toe in green. When you get to looking like the Jolly Green Giant, paint some shamrocks on your face. It’ll look cool. Really.

1. Go to South Boston. If you’ve never been to Southie’s St. Patrick’s Day parade, you’re missing out. Where else can you see marching bands, fire engines, soldiers, politicians and even Darth Vader (because really, what’s St. Patrick’s Day without Star Wars characters?) And speaking of characters, check out the ones lining the sidewalks on either side of the parade. They’re much more entertaining than the parade itself. Its one big cheering, weaving, staggering, boisterous crowd of happy Irish (and Irish wannabe’s). Watch out for public urinators. Nothing puts a damper on your St. Patrick’s Day celebration faster than having to explain to your child why it’s okay for that guy to pee in public. Marvel at the number of people drinking from open containers on the train ride home.

Here’s hoping you all have a safe and fun St. Patrick’s Day. And remember: May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face;the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.